Bacon is on sale

With a crew of 6, our grocery shopping experience has become a very efficient process. We roll up to any given grocery store, pile out of the cars, grab a cart and head for the races. Cousin Dave is usually filming, Tyler! Is usually distracted by bright candy wrappers, MG and Harley usually head straight to the market section where the fresh, ready to eat food is, and with a shopping list in hand, Team Cuisine shoots down the aisles picking food for the episode.

Like Harley always says, “it’s never a good idea to grocery shop on an empty stomach”. Around 20 minutes into the excursion, we usually meet up for a mid grocery store snack. Pre-made ribs, fried chicken, some baked mac n cheese; they’re great choices that we all love. Amongst all those delicious options there’s always an empty box of luncheables floating around the cart. Harley loves constructing a sandwich out of whatever is in the contents of the box. Processed Ham and cheese, pizza, burgers, they’re all great snacks to munch down on while work is being conducted.

Up and down the aisles we go as Cousin Dave is filming hilarious anecdotes for the new episode. Team Cuisine screams from other aisles asking what the rest of the guys think about this, or think about that. The cart is filled with ingredients for the episode, and almost always a 12 or 24 case of diet coke. If there’s one thing EMT loves its diet coke. Now, you might say to yourself, “EpicMealTime loves DIET coke”? It really has nothing to do with the beverage being “Diet” and everything to do with the way it tastes. Unlike regular coke, Diet Coke has more of a carbonated burn. We want to earn the flavor of the drink. Or lack of flavor of the drink. Plus bitches love Diet Coke.

Obviously we need some salty snacks to bring back to the HQ that compliments the liquor and soda. Every time we shop, we want to try a new cool flavor of potato chip that has recently been introduced to the world. Fancying him a chip connoisseur, Prince Atari chooses an array of options for the crew to try, but not before insisting that we buy some sort of pickle version that never gets accepted by the rest of us.

People often ask us how we can bear the smell of our Epic Meals. Given the fact that we cook flesh inside of flesh, deep fried and smothered in cheese or liquor sauce, we’ve found that the best way to cut the stench is by baking some sort of cookie or cinnamon roll. So, that brings us to the baked goods aisle where I sit there trying to decide between chocolate chip, chocolate chunk, cinnabon style rolls or just regular Pillsbury apple strudels.

By the end of our grocery store journey we all end up together at the frozen pizza section. Deep dish? Thin Crust? All Dressed? Amongst all the options of pizza, we will always try a new flavor combination of something special like buffalo chicken, or maybe even cheeseburger with a side of chocolate chip cookies. However, we always get the straight up pepperoni and cheese as the base of our indulgence just in case those special flavors suck ass, like they usually do.

When we reach the cash register the guessing game begins. What will the tally be? How much did we just spend on bacon? Do we really need that peanut butter and jelly combination jar that Tyler! Always wants to get? More often than not, the over under is 500$. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.